🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.