These Advice shared by A Parent Which Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger failure to talk among men, who still hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."